I start to write this letter again to you, my
dear. I hope you are always be under the shade of The Almighty. Every night and
day I praise Allah to send bunch of salam to you and your family in Gujrat
Country. I praise Allah to find the cure for your broken heart I caused. I
know, I’m the cruelest girl in your life, I’m the Damn gurl you shouldn’t have
known before. I’m really a bad girl, dirty little liar and deceiver. That’s why
I’m disappeared, you don’t deserve to get me, you deserve for someone better.
Life was so confusing, my dear. Everything is
changed randomly fast nowadays. Everybody feels like stranger for me. No body
really knows me. No body really understands me. No body really close to me. Life
is not as beautiful as we’ve ever talked long time ago when we drawn our
beautiful life together. But where are
those things gone? My heart feels so empty and cold. And I’m truly missing your
warmth in my heart. There are so many things I have been through since my love
letter 2, and all I wanna do is share it all to you, my janu.
Do you still remember when I was so excited to go
to your country by attending the Conference and Festival? I was so hoping to
get accepted and go to your country and to meet you. I got it, my dear. But
then I have to let it go.
Life put me in difficult time and choice, my dear.
I was waiting and waiting for you to come back and start over again. To be with
you is all I really really want to. And when that time came, I let you go. I
already knew that I was accepted before I left you. And if I really go, you’ll
see my pictures in everywhere. I can’t see your heart hurt by this thing again
and again. I’m sorry.
And once again life put in another difficult
choice, hunny. A week before my departure, I got an information that my study
visit program will be held at the 2nd day of the conference. If I
don’t attend this program, I have to attend it next year and delay my next-year
graduation. I had to choose, my study or the conference and chance to meet you.
And I finally choose my study first. I cancelled my attendance and letting go
the chance. I’m sorry again for being so weak to fight.
Today I was missing you so much again. I was spying
you on facebook by my friends account. You still look as cool as before, my
dear. I was wondering if you are now happy with your cousin girlfriend. But why
is your status down? I wish I have a chance to hold your hands and make you up
when you were down, I wish. But you know, I’m a looser. I’m too chicken just to
appear in front of your eyes.
Now I’m just here. I don’t need to regret my
choice. It makes me wise and grow up. I don’t regret to let you go, because if
Allah has written for us, we’ll be back together again. I just regret to break
your heart, it feels so bad to break someone’s heart, and that one is you, my
beloved one.
From the core of my heart I want to apologize for
breaking your heart. I’m just a little meaningless pieces of your past and you,
my janu, you’ll be my story. The best story ever of my life.
Surakarta, 14.10.11
